Every life has a story

Back to life

2010-11-21T23:55:00.002Z

So, it's been sometime, in fact over a year. Very briefly I'm now living in London... wo would of thought at the time of my last post uh! This last year has been mad but i've just refreshed myself with reading a wee bit of my own blogs and it now seems to becoming a habbit saying, this years been maaddddddd! Anyhow kinda cool though cause each year is so different and always changing, in a good way I think, like constanly growing!

Ok i've been in London since beinging of Feburary. Also once again i'm a volunteer here... crazy. This whole volunteering this is becoming a habbit now. Like I just know and feel in my heart the next directions now and the only places i'm finding them is in volunteering work. I'm in the place in life where i'm free and young enough to not need to stay in one place for long, or much money other than the basics so i'm going to make the most of it while I can. In fact i'm nearly finshed my year here at the hostel/ seamans mission that i've been working and already i'm looking at applying for another volunteering year somewhere else... i'm becoming insane!! I actually don't even want to apply for jobs as this volunteering oppotunity i'm talking about is perfect but i'm going to apply for more this and paid work and let God do the rest.

Anyway this is a really uninteresting blog but it's been a long time. Very very briefly let me just say life is good. London has been a huge change for me. Once again moving away from everyone I knew and entering a brand new enviroment. It hasnt been easy with both work and just the whole London experience in general but defo an experience i'm once again praising and thanking God for. Words can neve express the faithfulness, loving, patience, surprising, excitment that God is and that I have serving him and giving him my all. He put this passion in my life and he gives me the love to be able to live it out and pass it on to others.

Trusting you Lord

2009-07-29T00:04:00.003+01:00

I’m trusting in you lord
let it be from all of my heart
I don’t want to depend on no others
I’m seeking you will in all that I do
show me the way oh Lord
lead me not into temptation
but deliver me from evil
Let your kingdom come
and your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven

Let your kingdom and power be glorified forever
Let your kingdom and power be glorified forever
Let your kingdom and power be glorified forever

I'm so greatful that you made me
I'm so greatful that you love me
i'mk so greatful that you know my heart

Goodbye Careforce

2009-07-28T23:34:00.004+01:00

Tomorrow I officially finish my time as a care force worker and it feels weird! I can't believe it's been two years already yet looking back it has been a long, hard two years. Saying that it's also been the most awesome and amazing two years in many ways. I will forever be thankful for the experience I’ve been given, the opportunities I’ve had and the people I’ve met. I'm also so thankful for how God has grown me as well as been working through me and in me and I pray no matter what happens next that will always be the case.

Anyway I’m now left trying to figure out the next step. What now! How do I get there! What do I do? What can I do? What do I want to do? Now it's time to reflect on all i've left about all that and put it to action. Kinda scary now the time has come though but I'm so ready. I know God is faithful, loving and completely powerful in all things and he's leading me and often carrying me when needed. I have no idea what's happening now and like i've said I would be lying to say it's not flipping scary but well I have always been a fan of fast and upside down kind of rides, they make me scared but it's so worthwhile and when the ride isn’t scary it's just boring, like life uh!

Anyway I’m off back to Peterhead for a holiday on the 3rd of August, woot!!! Come visit me!!

Ocean Is Theory - Plant Your Fields

2009-04-03T21:09:00.002+01:00

we set sail to this thing called trust
the plans of the righteous are just
(your plans are just, your plans are just)
but i'm still recovering
i'm contemplating other things
but i've set my sights on you

all that i need is the smallest seed
to plant the faith to move a city
and all that i see is distress and apathy
but i won't lose faith and be like the pharisees

i'll depart with nothing i've held in my two hands
you wealthy rulers: no you won't understand
better is tranquility in one
than the grievous evil under the midday sun
we'll look at what we've done
what will we have to run from?

all that i need is the smallest seed
to plant the faith to move a city
and all that i see is distress and apathy
but i won't lose faith and be like the pharisees

may my time here be pleasing to you
may my words, dear, move closer to truth
can my thoughts be oh, so pure?
hold me now i want nothing more...
nothing more.

When I grow Up I wanna be a....

2009-03-27T12:13:00.009Z

I was reading a question thing that everyone likes to fill in on the net these days. Actually that's not true, you either love them or hate them. Anyway I was just reading one which started with question one being

'When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up.'

The answer to this question is that as a child I either wanted to be a police women/social worker or I wanted to be a musician, mainly a rock star but I sometimes wanted to be in a orchestra too. Funny thing is my dreams weren't actually daft, they could of been reality minis the rock star one perhaps.

'Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.'

One of my struggles in life has always been trying to find my purpose. Anyway this isn't a post about my passed, it’s about the present and the future. When I became a Christian the term born again is actually what I was. God knocked my old life down and built me up completely from scratch. The emotionals and confusion still continue but as the journey continues the luggage becames lighter. Lately I’ve been looking back at the last 4 years of living for God and every time I look back I’m left in amazement.

Gods really has been opening my eyes as well as continuity healing my heart, comforting me and giving me peace in my heart. I've traveled a journey that has been ever so confusion on this topic but I now find myself somewhat comfortable and thankful. This doesn't mean I have the answer, jeez far from. Each day is still a task and each day is a complete mistery but that can also be kinda cool you know. Now that I know where my solid ground s at and what my life is build upon my future is now secure whatever comes my way.

I've now 4 months left of my careforce experience and I’ve completely no idea where I will be come end of summer. It's crazy... Careforce has definitely been a very important part of life, one that God has really blessed me with. It's completely not been easy and this year I’ve really struggled but right now Gods showing off and letting me see results from those trails and hard times which makes everything so worthwhile.

But the purpose in even writing this blog is because I’ve recently realised, even now that I’m a Christian and that I seek and love God and pray for guidance in my future, I still have as much idea about my future carer or just the future in general as I did when I was 15 when all my plans went up in smoke. Even for the last four years praying that each experience would lead me closer to knowing exactly which direction it is Gods leading me in and each time it's made me even more confused. The difference is, I no longer need to know what my future is because I know that I have a faithful God who loves me and has a purpose for me. He doesn't make mistakes and he just wants me to love and seek him and to trust and obey. It's hard trusting God in this way as it really does mean i've handed my life over to him and not being in control of my own life is scary stuff. Yet each and everytime I would rather he was in charge and in control of my life rather than me as when I did live it my way at the time I thought all was good but jeez I was just filling my journey with more bags of luggage to carry but now they are so much lighter and i'm so much stronger all at the same time.

Awesome!!

Everything is amazing, nobody is happyy!

2009-03-19T13:41:00.005Z

Last Tuesday at school in our music lesson the teacher basically spoke about everything other than music. Usually this would annoy me as I love music and it's the one class in which I actually know what I’m talking about and can help the kids out in. But well the teacher, he likes to think he's hard on the kids which I agree he is but although he things it's a positive thing on his teaching I would disagree that the way he goes around it makes it a negative but that's for a different blog. Saying that this Tuesday he has the feeling guilty approach. He basically went on about how he is the way he is (he's like in his 30's) because of the generation gap and how his world growing up is so different to the world there growing up in. He also stated that it isn't there fault for being the way they are but society’s fault because these kids don't know any different! OUCH!! Ok so I completely get and agree what he was saying but I’m now sure how that went down! Thankfully he had a plan, one in which he knew would save his life (or at least some grief!) He showed the class the following clip. Watch it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jETv3NURwLc

It was interesting to see the year 7 kids reaction to it. They were all finding it very funny and for a moment it felt like we were all one and that being old, young whe=atever didn't matter, it was almost as if we were seeing life from a new view point and one in which we can all respect!! But it got me thinking. If people are aware our world is like this and that we are very much part of the problem so much to the point that we can laugh and mock it, surely we are close to some sort of revolution and making the change? So we are all aware of what our world is and although there’s a lot of positive things going on, there’s too much negative to just ignore. So where can we start? We are seeing one of the problems that’s causing the attitudes of today but yet why do I feel so helpless and ably to do anything about it? Any ideas?

Isn't it nice to know that we're golden

2009-02-27T16:33:00.001Z

Right now I’m really struggling. I just feel suffocated with it all and I’m not seeing any kind of results to show me I’m doing this for a reason. I know this isn't how we are meant to live and that I don't need to drive myself insane tryingto work out why God puts us through these experiences as usually the answers come in his perfect timing and the best thing for me to do is trust. I guess what I'm really needing right now is just to know whether I am actually listening to the right voice or not or if i'm being deafened by pride and stubbornness. Anyway I reckon these lyrics sum it all up pretty well, good old Relient K, gotta love them!!

I found my new black shoes
while cleaning out the bones left in my closet
They were there with a bad excuse
Bon Voyage

And I found a backup plan
I'm grateful that I didn't have to use it,
but it's made up of real good friends
Bon Voyage

Isn't it nice to know that the lining is silver
Isn't it nice to know that we're golden

I found a list of flaws
that I saw in myself and other people
And I threw it away because
Bon Voyage

Isn't it nice to know that the lining is silver
Isn't it nice to know that we're golden oh oh
Isn't it nice to know that the lining is silver
Isn't it nice to know that we're golden
Yeah we're golden oh

When it all falls apart and you can't see the forest for the CEMETERIES oh oh oh
Isn't it nice to
Isn't it nice to know
Isn't it nice to
Isn't it nice to know
Isn't it nice to know that the lining is silver
Isn't it nice to know that we're golden oh oh
Isn't it nice to know that the lining is silver
Isn't it nice to know that we're golden
Yeah we're golden oh

I found a love in me
I always somehow knew that it existed
It just needed to be set free
Bon Voyage
Isn't it nice to know
Isn't it nice to know
Isn't it nice to know

Humour in need!

2008-11-14T23:54:00.004Z

I’m currently sitting here watching children of needs. I’m all about supporting raising awareness and coming together as a country to raise money but jeez! Today is a sad day, why? Well because for the first time I’m my 23 years of living I actually wished I was in England over Scotland!! Wow, children in need in Scotland has been absolutely pathetic, no other words come anywhere close. In fact it’s got me well annoyed and angry(or just sad!) with our society (what’s new, haha!) I’m trying not to though as deep down people are just trying to help, but wow. I certainly do not miss having a tele one wee bit. All these Celebrities (who are these people, I’ve never seen half of them in my life before!!) on here are driving me nuts!!

Also, humour? What’s happened to it? Some girl came on and goes "hello I’m Scotland and Anne (or someone whose name I’ve forgotten) is in need or something like that…." UH!! I was sitting there confused then I looked at my Mum and her face expressed exactly my thoughts. My Mum was the funniest person all night and it wasn’t written for her nor was she paid!! Don't get me wrong though, it's cool that a good amount has been raised for good causes but as far as entertainment goes, please tell me I’m not alone in my thinking tonight, if I am, I’ll pray for you!! Hahaha!!

Ok possibly a wee rant but seriously, if this is what Scotland and England being totally independent to each other means then please people, this has proved my point, we are bad enough as a country together, but as two (or four) argh my hair would fall out!! Haha!!

Isabella Donnelly xx

2008-11-12T06:45:00.007Z

It's currently 5.45am Wednesday the 12th of November. I have been in bed but well there was no point being there as I haven’t slept a wink so I decided to get up and watch some tele and now I’m writing this.

My nana, Isabella Donnelly died at 7.55pm yesterday (Tuesday). I’m not too sure what happened. Nana caught a bad chest infection when she was in a home the other week and she couldn’t shake it off. On Sunday afternoon my Mum called me and told me Nana was very ill. At that point they thought she had taken another stroke but later told she hadn’t. Right away I got onto the phone to my minister and asked if I could go home for a few days. Before I knew it I was on a plane on my way to Aberdeen, I arrived in Peterhead around half 6pm Monday evening. When I first seen Nana I’m not sure what my reaction was. I know I was definitely in shock! She didn’t look good at all. It didn't take long for me to realise, this was it. It wasn't like all the other times. Nana had given us many a scare in her time. We have been told 'this is it' so many times that I’ve lost count. But each time I had to take it serious just in case but each time we fought and each time she kept fighting and each time she pulled through. By Monday evening I knew my nana was dying, I knew I was sitting watching her just waiting for Gods timing. My Dad is currently away with work until Wednesday evening so it was just myself and Mum. We both sat with Nana all last night and all day today. Just sitting there, praying, comforting Nana not quite sure weather she could hear us or not, we didn't care. Speaking, singing and hugging her.

I have to say that since being home I have seen some amazing Christ like behaviour around us. Barbra and her Husband whose name I always forget, wow how kind can one couple be. Then there’s the lady who’s always taken the dog out, she’s not just taken the dog out, it’s her kindness, it’s the fact she cares and plays her part to help. The careers Shelia and June, both coming in on there days off, in the evenings, or just whenever we needed an extra pair of hands, in fact they didn’t even wait for us to ask. They just came. Plus some other people, It meant so much, I know Nana was loved, I also know Mum is loved and she’s going to be in good hands and have lots of awesome loving people around her which I know would have made Nana happy.

Anyway my brother arrived just after 7pm. He went to get us a Chinese. Mum told us to eat it in the living room as she has called her friend who’s a nurse to come round check Nana out. She arrived just as we started eating. Before I had a mouth full I was shouted on to come in and see Nana. Mum was crying and I can't remember exactly how Nana was. My Mums the bravest person I know and as always was very brave, that didn't change. She did leave the room for the finally stages so it was just G and I. We sat there holding Nanas hand praying for her. It was confusing to when she actually died but eventually her mouth stopped moving all together and we knew that was it. I won't for one minute say it wasn’t hard. Even though I knew it was going to happen, I kinda had it in my head it wouldn’t be until the weekend as that’s when my other brother was arriving plus my aunty was driving up in the morning. But it happened so quickly. Although saying that, I am so very, very thankful to God for his faithfulness. See, like I said before, we've had many scares with Nana in the pass. We weren’t ready for Nana to go all those other times and neither was Nana. God’s been at work, healing our hearts already and preparing us for today. God let nana die peacefully and didn’t let her suffer. Nana lived 92 years of age, died in her home with loved ones around her peacefully, what more can you ask for :D

My memories of my Nana are probably very different to a lot of peoples. I’m her youngest grand child and I never really got to know my Nana well until the last ten or so years when she came to live with us. By that time she wasnt quite herself, yet the memories I have of Nana are very much cherished and have hugely impacted my life. Nana and I had something in common that not many people could understand apart from us. Both Nana and I find it hard to communicate in what seems to be the most common way in our world, verbally (or in my case the hearing part). I believe with all my heart that every single person living can be used by God until the day they die if they let him, even people who aren’t able to have a proper conversation or able to leave there house. God used Nana in my life. Some days I would come home after college/work or for a holiday and just want to chill out and relax and forget about my struggles or whatever. Sometimes the last thing I want to do is have another conversation as hearing is somewhat of a task for me and needs a lot of concentration. Somehow Nana and I found a way to communicate. We would hug one another, hold hands, laugh, dance, sing or la, make noises like woo woo or simply sit in silence just looking at each other. Yet some how Nana and I had an understanding, we understood each other often when no one else would get us. Basically, I don't know what faith Nana has exactly but what I do know is, when Nana smiled at me I felt comfort, when she smiled nothing else in the world mattered anymore, everything was ok. When Nana smiled I felt completely and utterly loved. I can only explain it as Christ like love. That’s why the verse that comes to mind to describes my nana for me is 1 Corinthians 13 which just so happens to be one of my favourites. I'll only quote the begining of it here.

“1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.”

My Nana may had come across as if she wasn’t able to do ‘much’ in the last ten or so years physically, but what she was able to do and did was show love. I’m not going to say Nana was perfect, that would be silly as no one is. But Nana was Nana, the Nana I got to know and love over the years is the Nana that I treasure and the Nana I will love forever. She made a huge impact in my life and without even knowing it. Nana has a gift of an amazing smile. A smile that touched many peoples hearts. Like the bible says, Love is the greatest gift of all and her smile showed love. So I thank God so much for my Nana and for those times shared and for her peaceful depart. I know I am so blessed to have been able to have my Nana with us for so long but sometimes time means nothing. She could had lived until she was 192 and I would still miss her very much. I now pray for the family left behind especially my Mum as she’s been her carer for the last 8 plus years. Life without Nana is going to be very weird for us all, it already feels too weird, I don't like it!! I'm just so grateful that I got to hold my Nanas hand, communicating with her till the end. Please continue to pray that we can all support each other in the right way.

Love you Nana and Thank you xxxxx

twit woo

2008-10-08T16:20:00.006+01:00

Well I’ve now officially lost count of how long I’ve been in Leeds. I guess that’s due to it emotionally feeling like I’ve been here months but I know it’s more like one month if that!! I haven’t really been up to much different since I last updated really. I guess the main things would be the careforce conference and the teaching assistant job.

The conference which was like 2 weeks ago now was really good. God is so faithful, he just amazes me all the time. You know one of these things you go to where it just seems to be for you, like everything that happened, all the talks, the seminars, the people there. It’s just like, wow. Cause like just how in control God is of my life but at the same time of all our lives at the same time. How is that possible? That it can be for me, suited exactly to what I needed at that time yet not just for me, helped loads of people but also people who are in completely different situations than me, know what I mean. AND that’s just in one room. Just think how many rooms, at the same time God is working in that way in. How awesome and powerful is our God, he’s hugeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

Anyway as you can tell from that paragraph there it was really what I needed. I didn’t necessary come back to my placement in a better place but I knew what was needed to be done and I did feel lighter. I know it’s so simple but communication is so vital. Yet at the same time seems like the last thing I sometimes want to do. I can get so afraid of the outcome rather than just handing all that stuff over to God. Anyway things are working out but are still hard. In a way I think Gods going to need the whole year on this one but I know his timing is perfect, as are his plans and I’m excited for what lessons he has in store for me here.

Ok so onto the teaching assistant thing. On Tuesdays we’ve now started our ‘school day’. This is pretty daunting for me but very exiting at the same time. Its quite challenging and I pray that I can do exactly what it is God wants of me there no matter how big or small my role may be. I’m basically following a year 7 (1st yr) class around all day. It’s a very challenging class behaviour wise. What I’m finding hard is trying to find where I actually fit, like my role there. I’m not meant to be there teacher. The problem is I’m finding two of the teachers are letting them off with so much. It’s like there are no rules in there class. I’m left there watching it all happening in front of my face. If I just stand there and let it all pass like some of the main teachers are then the kids will think they can do anything in front of me and act in any way they wish and as if I’m not even there. Sure I’m meant to be a teacher a bit like a friend who they like kind of thing but I know from experience of the teaching assistants that I had in my school that first of all you need there respect or your not going to get anywhere with them. If they see me just watching all this going on and not doing anything about it then I’m not going to earn any respect from them and that’s going bad from the word go. Yet I don’t want to be the teacher in that class that’s doing the discipline, get my confusion? I now have a collection of red elastic bands in my coat; I really have no need for any more!!

Anyway that’s really the main update in last couple of weeks. There some other small things such as J-zone started up tonight which is a club for 7 to 11 year olds. I loved it as it reminded me of impact which was the highlights of my weekly jobs in Blackpool!! I’m happy to be involved with some youth work again; I don’t like how it went from all to none.

I’ve been feeling home sick quite badly this week. But to be honest it’s more about missing the comfort of those I love and who love me and support me and having them around me. I think there are two main emotions going on really. I think one being like you know when you can go out into a strange and unknown environment and be alright there for a while but there always comes a time when it gets to you and you just want to feel comfortable for a while again. Well I think I’m experiencing this now. I’m no longer in the, just for a year full time volunteering in a strange place and putting myself all out there kinda place. I’m now in my 11th month and I know I have at least 9 more months to go. I think that’s catching up on me right now but it's cool. I'm still excited to be here and I know Gods in control.

Quack quack!

2008-09-21T08:58:00.007+01:00

13 days and counting!! Can you believe it!! That’s one day under two full weeks of 'work' so far. Leeds as a city is great. It’s funny because I was talking to a girl last week who finds Leeds so small and quite, I find it so big and a bit scary! Shows exactly where I’m coming from eh, the Highlands!! Ha. Anyway I’ve been lost on my bike pretty much every time I’ve been on it, which is everyday! I hate the fact that to get to places its like up hill ALL the way!! Man I better be healthy soon, if not well that's Gods doing not mine, ha! But at least its all down hill on way back, I would rather a mix though, oh well!! Moan moan moan :D.

The other careforce worker is a 19 year old called Iain from fife area. I've been spending a lot of time with him as we work together plus we've been exploring Leeds together too. He's quite different to me but I’m know God can use us together some way here. I'm living in a house with currently two girls, one being the landlady/host, Clara. IB (who’s kindly let me use her laptop!!) being the other whose moving for uni a week today, boo!! It's sad I didn’t get to know her long as we have already had great convos and she actually gets my humour!! But it's been cool never the less!! I do believe there’s a international student coming to stay soon to improve her English so that should be interesting. Work wise it's very similar to Blackpool. Helping out with the youth and helping with two cafes a week type thing. It's good although I’m not too far outside my comfort zone in that aspect of things there are two other different situations that after two weeks are already pushing me onwards and upwards :D.

Anyway its careforce conference Monday to Thursday so I’m looking forward to that. Its once again daunting as those environments push me to my limit but I’m sure it’s going to be fun and encouraging among lots of other things too.

I'm hoping I’m going to be getting my laptop back in the next two weeks, yaya!! More updates from me then. Hope everyone’s getting on good too!! xx

Leeds, beep beep

2008-09-07T21:19:00.005+01:00

Ah, I can’t believe I’m moving to Leeds tomorrow! Although it may be Tuesday!! Miss organised as per usual! The last few weeks have been great and although maybe not as relaxing as I had planned I’ve had a good break down at my brothers visiting Mollie, Time with John in Blackpool. I was really glad he got to meet the important people in Blackpool to me even if it was at the same time my goodbye to them. The last week home has been good too. A careforce friend ended up coming home too as he was a bit bored so that was nice and my family loved him. It also meant I didn’t have to cook as he kept offering, haha!!

Anyway I’m dead nervous now. The last minute planning hasn't helped me as although I’m not a very organised person I do like to know what’s going on etc. In a way that’s why new things are so scary, I haven't got a clue what to expect and I don't like the unknown. Yet for some reason I’ve put myself in a situation where I’m experiencing new things all the time right now yet at the same time it’s the best time of my life. Weird world uh! Anyway lots of prayers would be much appreciated and I may or may not update this more, I plan to but my laptop is still broken so not sure how often I’ll get online. Anywhere here’s hoping my experience in Leeds will be as beneficial and exciting as Blackpool has been for me. x

Ho Ho its summer!

2008-07-29T10:21:00.011+01:00

Well it's officially summer or at least in the sense that I’m on my 'summer holidays' or rather I’m home :D. But yes I’m here for nine days and its great. I'm really glad to be home but it does have quite a high standard to live up to. Last week I was in Keswick for a Christian convention. It was awesome, seriously inspiring week. There really wasn't anything bad about the week although hurting my knee could have gone a miss as well as my hearing aids breaking on me and being pretty much deaf for 2 or 3 days.....but that I managed to live with!

To be honest I was kind of dreading Keswick. I was there with 20 other careforce volunteers camping. So number one I’m not really a camping kind of person or at least not for a whole week and two I barely knew any of them and the ones I did know I didn’t know well. But God tells us not to worry about things and again he showed me why. The camp site we stayed in was like one big happy family, it was random but awesome at same time, such a nice vibe.

I think the highlight of the week for me was really getting to know and share with the other careforce volunteers more. At the careforce conference back in February I found it hard to mix well with people there. My hearing is a real struggle in those situations. So although I did really enjoy those few days in February Keswick really gave me more of a chance to meet more people also volunteering with careforce and actually build a friendship with them. I find really interesting and beneficial. I loved the fact we got to spend so long together and I seriously loved every single person I met there.

The convention itself was really good too. Some awesome discussions came out of the meetings and I have really benefited from them, and the worship was good. We were never short of things to do either and barely had enough time for it all. We crammed in walking or should I say crawling up mountains, rowing, swimming in the lake, a visit to the pencil museum (hilarious!!), crazy golf, random car rides and walks at midnight, cards, table tennis and even the local night club!! Keswick being a very white town meant that 20 internationals walking beside each other really stood out. It actually led to great opportunities that lead to some awesome conversations with random people. Like at the night club led to conversations about Jesus and our faith, it was pretty awesome and shows God is at work everywhere 24/7 if you just let him.

So I had an awesome week as you can tell but there was some sad news during the week too. One of my close friends text me during the week with some news I really wasn’t expecting and really hit me! His ex fiancé killed herself a few days previous. It really did well and truly get me. Reaching out to people who have lost hope and purpose in life is one of my passions and one that lies heavy on my heart. I didn’t know her very well as she lived in American in fact I barely knew her at all. I had met her when she had been over and she had emailed me a couple of times as I was her fiancés friend. I think this is what broke my heart the most. One of the emails she sent me, in fact the very first one was when she introduced herself but she talked about the poem I have on my myspace profile about Cameron. It was only a couple of months after he died and her email really reminded me of hope and meant a lot. She also helped give my friend (her fiancée) hope and meaning back into his life. The transformation in him since meeting her has been huge and it’s been a pleasure for me to be able to watch that change in his life. Although they broke up two months or so ago she’s still an important part of his life. It’s weird to think she’s dead but it’s defiantly woke me up again. To know she gave us encouragement and helped share hope with us both yet we weren’t able to do the same for her in the long run. I guess all I can do now is pray for her family and pray that I will make myself available for whenever God wants to use me and that I will always be ready and listening.

Anyway I hope everyone else is well and having a good week also!!

Yo

2008-06-29T02:35:00.004+01:00

"We came for salvation, we came for family. We came for all that's good that's how we'll walk away. We came to break the bad, we came to cheer the sad, we came to leave behind the world a better way"

Well starting today I have 3 weeks left working in Blackpool, wow!! These last nine months have gone way fast. Dead sad to leave here cause I love it. I love my work, love my church people, love my new found 2nd family and I love the friends I've made here, I've build some wonderful relationships with some amazing people, it's been unreal. I'm actually quite found of Blackpool as a town in itself too. Bike rides are great here!! God has totally used Blackpool to help me in my life journey, will never forget my time here. I'm not the same person I was when I moved, I feel so alive again, it's awesome!!

Anyway Although I’ve only 3 weeks left I am still officially living in Blackpool until the beginning of September. Way looking forward to moving to Leeds where I’m going for my 2nd year placement but before that happens I have lots to do, my diary is jam parked.

Next weekend POD weekend away at the Lakes, Weekend in Leeds for training and meeting my new church people for first time, Week at Keswick Convention with other careforce friends, ten days home in Peterhead, yayay!! Falcons camp with lots of noisy 7 to 11 year olds for a week in Oswestry for a week of adventure, a week in Dorset visiting Frazer, Tracy and Mollieeeeeeeeeee, my final gig with Peter Simple at Stanley park and a couple of days free before I start in Leeds. Ahhh, cannot wait!!

One finally thing, My Mum fell the other day while on holiday up in Thurso. Mums in Inverness hospital at present having an operation as I type as she broke her wrist in 3 places. It's really going to make life hard for a while with no driving and of course the challenge of looking after Nana. Gods got it under control I know, just keep her in your prayers for me please! Cheers

Hope everyone is well?

How quick are you gonna' get up?

2007-03-25T16:45:00.001+01:00

It's, not, how you start, it's how you finish,
And it's, not, where you're from, it's where you're at,

Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna' get up?
How quick are you gonna' get up?
Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna' get up?
Just how are you gonna' get up?

Like Ali in the jungle,
Like Nelson in jail,
Like Simpson on the mountain,
With odds like that, they were bound to fail
Like Hannah in the darkness,
Like Adam's in the dark,
Like Ludwig Van, how I loved that man, well the guy went deaf and didn't give a fuck, no...

No, no, no

It's, not, where you are, It's where you're going,
Where are you going?
And it's, not, about the things you've done, it's what you're doing, now,
What are you doing, now?

Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna' get up?
How quick are you gonna' get up, now?
Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna' get up?
Just how are you gonna' get up?

Ali In The Jungle - The Hours lyrics

Our past

2006-12-15T19:33:00.002Z

Wow, isn't life weird. I was having a conversation about random bits and bobs the other day. Out of the blue a friend told me something quite serious about there past. It was a real reminder for me. Everyone has a history. We all go though lots of different experiences in life to get to where they are today. I have nothing but respect for my friend and that fact they felt they wanted to tell me about it meant a lot. It made me happy and left me with a good feeling about life. Love life no matter what it throws at you and you will have my respect.

A month old

2006-11-30T14:16:00.002Z

So it's been a month and what a month it’s been. The funeral has been and gone. I was really glad it was in England as it meant we had to wait longer for it. I really needed those two weeks to get myself together a little.
.
We traveled down the day before so that we could go see Cameron’s body. Frazer was so proud of him; he just wanted to show him off and rightly so, he was beautiful. Cameron’s fingers where so long, massive hands. He totally took that from Tracy. His face feathers on the other hand where very much like Frazer’s, it's amazing, I just wish I could find out what a handsome Shaw he could of turned out to be!

The funeral went really well. It was quite emotional before the funeral as Cameron’s coffin was open in the house for anyone who wanted to come see him. The church is just down the road from Tracy’s parents so we walked behind the car, Frazer carried the coffin in. The actually funeral was nice. Is it weird to describe it as nice? I mean obviously it was hard but all I could feel was love coming from everywhere. I read the poem, I can't remember reading it but I did it. Lots of people came up to me and said how I had described there feelings in it. I feel maybe God gave me those words, not just for me but my family and others too. I know how much it's helped Mum, I guess having things in words when you're own feelings don't make sense, it helps. The cemetery was real hard, yeah. After the funeral pretty much everyone came back to Tracy’s parent’s house. It turned into a bit of a party really, which I’m happy about as not only was it goodbye to Cameron it was also hello.

It's quite bizarre really. Before, if someone went through the same I wouldn't have understood just how upset they would have been unless it was the parent’s of course. But wow, losing a nephew has changed my life completely. Everything I look at, talk about, just everything is like different. I'm seeing things in people I’ve never seen before. I'm aware of others more and, well I can't really explain it but if I think about it, I think Cameron has made me a better person.

Right now I’m still finding it hard, it's weird. I'm not really an emotional person but Cameron has changed that too. Sometimes my heart hurts so bad that I just cry. I think about him every day, I say my little poem in my head over and over and over while at work and sometimes its like I’m going to burnt cause he's in my head 24/7. I know this pain will ease but I don’t want it to go away. Cameron has shown me how to love, just how much I actually have in me. He may not have breathed in our world but I’ll never forget him. I look at his photo every morning, in fact every time I look at my phone he's looking at me. The funny thing is, it's the same picture, he's not growing but yet every time I look at his picture he becomes even more beautiful than the day before. I just wish these tears would go so I could look at him and think about him with a smile. Maybe even one day I will be able to see something positive come out of this negative. But for now all I can do is trust in God and treasure my family even more than before.

Cameron Frazer Shaw

2006-10-29T23:09:00.000Z

Cameron Frazer Shaw
From day one you brought nothing but Joy
The delight on both parents faces, I know was pure ace
All sat round the table in a normal 'Shaw' style
Your Dad shared the news with such a proud smile
Our hearts skipped as we all hugged and shared our happiness of you, their special gift
Still in your mothers womb, but already shining light our way
Six more months still ahead, we really didn't want to wait!

You're Father has taken pictures of your mother’s new size
Sharing each day that you grew with excitement growing too
Everyday the countdown continued as we just had to sit and wait
Doctors appointments to see you wave, come on you're already late!

So today is the day, the day for change
Nothing will ever be the same
I wish I could say it's just like we dreamed
But dear Cameron I love you all the same

I didn't get to hold you, but I kinda helped pick your name
You will always be my first nephew, the special one that I never saw.
Your time in Tracy's womb gave us so much happiness
I'm so grateful to have been able to share love with them through you,
So thanks Cam for that was just great!
I'm not sure why we never got to meet but one day I know we will
And I'm sure you will be wearing your Scottish shoes as you are a Shaw after all.

So tell me Cameron, what's it like up there?
Although I wish you were here you're in a safer place, which brings us some comfort
I don't have to worry about you because heaven is so the place to be
I mean just look of the amazing people there with you, hey there Pop, isn't he just great!

Cameron, now a guiding angel for your proud parents to feel
They miss you and love you and are finding it hard to believe
Cameron you're going to be the star to carry us through
And help make heaven an even more special place.

x Auntie Mel x

....

2006-10-28T11:00:00.000+01:00

Ok so not quite how I wanted this day to turn out but you can't change what has happened even if I would do anything to do so. This morning Tracy lost the baby, that's right, 24 hours before she went into Labour, she's still in Labour right now but she knows her baby is dead. I'm heart broken right now, really can't express how I am feeling, I guess even more than my own pain i'm heart broken for Frazer and Tracy. At this moment in time though I'm concerned about Tracy, please atleast Tracy be healthy and stuff at the end of it all. This is the worst news possibly, ever. My family need you're prayers right now, espeially Frazer and Tracy.

I have a job!

2006-10-24T14:40:00.000+01:00

I start tomorrow.

Summer Christmas

2006-07-29T20:25:00.000+01:00

It's Christmas on Wednesday, or atleast in Johnshaven at music school it is, woot, I wonder what Santa will bring me?

TITP06

2006-07-20T21:44:00.000+01:00

Nana's 3rd 30th bithday!!

2006-06-24T10:56:00.000+01:00

Happy 90th Nana, love you!!

It's a boy!!

2006-06-02T22:21:00.000+01:00

That's right, Frazer and Tracy are having a boy!! We already know what football top Frazer shall be buying him don't we :D.

Noone really knows!

2006-06-01T15:24:00.002+01:00

Once upon a time there was a child.
Her name? I'm not sure but they call her 'Mild'.
The girl is bright and likes to smile...
What at, noone know, noone really knows.

The girl has a cat, no it's not called Pat.
All the dogs, they call it 'Bark'
The cat likes to stare, what at.
No one really knows, no body knows.

So today it is what will happen?
Everyone will do something...
but no one really knows, nobody knows,
No one really knows, yeah nobody knows.

This weekend Cat, I was

2006-05-02T21:08:00.000+01:00

Axl Rose

hahaha!!

Spaceman lance 'photoshoot!!!!'

2006-04-24T20:53:00.000+01:00

The Flaming Lips's set list!

2006-04-20T15:44:00.001+01:00

Oh yes, how amazing was that!! Here's a clip I found from the gig, go check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrN5UUoyjrM
So basicially the gig was amazing, fantastic, the best!!

The Flaming Lips!!!!

2006-04-18T20:42:00.000+01:00

In Edinburgh tomorrow and I have a ticket, oh yes!!

My brother is pregant!!

2006-04-16T13:17:00.000+01:00

Ok so not quite but his wife is, thats right, I'm going to be a Aunty, wayhey!!
Sixe more months to go, man I can't wait!!

Once Again

2006-04-14T16:38:00.000+01:00

"And once again I look upon the cross where you died I'm humbled by your mercy and I'm broken inside Once again I thank you Once again I pour out my life."

Rorys 18th

2006-03-23T20:29:00.006Z

So this weekend Rory turned 18, could only mean one thing, a night out in Dundee was in order. I've never been a night out with all the band before other than our gig nights and so it was nice. We kept it simple and headed to Pizza hut and then to the student union. You know the best thing about the night was though, the smoking ban being in action, oh yes, how I love no longer stinking of smoke the next morning, I used to hate that so much!